inothernews:

• “Thank you very much for being here tonight. We have great audiences night in and night out, but tonight especially, it means a lot to me. Tonight, you people are more, to me, honestly, more than an audience … you’re more like a human shield.”
• “I’m so sorry, I’m a little late coming out. Backstage, I was talking to the guy from CBS.  We were going through the CBS life insurance policy to see if I was covered for jihad.”
• “I have a fatwa on me. And they say the guy that issued the fatwa is an ‘Internet jihadist.’ Internet jihadist, and I said, ‘Well, heck, who says Obama isn’t creating jobs?’”
• And so now, State Department authorities are looking into this. They’re not taking this lightly. They’re looking into it.  They’re questioning, they’re interrogating, there’s an electronic trail — but everybody knows it’s Leno.”
• And finally, from his top ten list:  “Number 4: How can someone be so angry at a time when Kim Kardashian is so happy?”