It wasn’t even that much cocaine. It was literally the size of, I don’t know, a tick.

I ducked under the table and did it. It wasn’t like I got high. The jolt was similar to licking an empty espresso cup. It wasn’t about that. It was just about being able to say that I did it, that I did cocaine in the same room as the President.

Comedian David Cross (White House Correspondents’ Dinner in 2009).