…the current period is probably the temporal equivalent of flyover country. You might say, “What do you mean, it’s a time of unprecedented technological and cultural change!” Maybe so, you time-hick, but a small town in South Dakota that’s finally getting hooked up to teh internet or getting their first Olive Garden isn’t interesting to someone who already has ultra-fast broadband or lots of family-owned local Italian restaurants. You have to remember that these are people from the future. There’s nothing interesting to see here that they don’t already have. They have technology and civil rights and cuisine that you and I can’t even begin to imagine. You don’t visit small towns unless you have family still living there, and when it comes to time travel, family doesn’t really work that way.

My fellow Americans, our long national nightmare is over.

There is nothing wrong with you. You’re amazing. I love you. When I look at you I see a complex human being with awesome potential but some others will look at you and see a thug. Even if their only evidence is your skin. Their racism relates to larger anxieties and problems in America that you didn’t create. When someone is racist toward you—either because they’ve profiled you or spat some slur or whatever—they are saying they have a problem. They are not speaking about you. They’re speaking about themselves and their deficiencies.

Unemployment is down, confidence is up, DOW 5,000 above Bush - or as Republicans put it, let’s talk about gay people and abortion!

People have sex for a lot of different reasons, and one of them is to be soothed and comforted

The more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe the more manly he is. … A manly man don’t want it piled high with vegetables! He would call that a sissy pizza.

During the three weeks I traveled in Australia, I was often asked, with genuine bafflement and considerable sympathy, how the world’s greatest nation had become captive to a band of ideologues and fundamentalists, how the American dream — a beacon to people everywhere — had become so powerless to deliver on its promise of opportunity for all.

We cooperate and we fight as hard as we can, because there will perhaps be disappointment but there will be no shame.

You wouldn’t be doing any of this if one of the objectives was not to increase the amount of pussy that was available to you. That is what you do. You don’t do it to be, ah, the most approval-rated governor of New York, for fuck’s sake.